Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
