the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
