he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
