i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
