how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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