I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
