I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Randomize
