Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
this is an emotional support booty call
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
