We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
