tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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