all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
