you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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