wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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