so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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