Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
