It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
