At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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