I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
