It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
