Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Found your dick twin last night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
