its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He shit in the fireplace
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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