Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
