I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
