I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
