Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
