The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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