Pappa wants mamma naked
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
