hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
