The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We're too hungover to prance.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
