woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
