kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
