Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
