its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
