I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
