My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
