How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
how drunk are you?
Several
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
