The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
