I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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