we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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