when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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