I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
