"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
