Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
