im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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