I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
