I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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