Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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