Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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