wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
