every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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