you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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