you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
